Just Another Sunday

I missed Mass this morning.

Kinda on purpose.

I just didn't feel much like it. This is a bit odd, as my Catholic Guilt rarely allows me to miss church, but instead, I think I'll go for a walk later or perhaps commune with God on the elliptical at the gym this afternoon. Though, God will have to share some time with Lady Gaga, but maybe that already happens.

The semester is underway, as the stacks of essays blotting the kitchen table attest to. My classes and studs all seem to be going well; especially, my Thursday sections of lit and comp are exceptionally rocking. Even though is seems impossibly far off, I know, deep down in my heart of hearts, Spring 2010 will fly by, and I'll soon be poolside. Oh, baby ...

Always look on the bright side of life ...

I had the P3 reading yesterday, and it was a beautiful, inspiring thing. We were surrounded by art and language; I am so proud of the collaboration between painter Jean Peter-Larsen and me. Perhaps I'll post it on here: my "Paraska in Spring" and Jean's rendering of Paraska.

I'm gonna knock on wood, but I do believe that Terrible Student Issue is no longer an Issue. This is an enormous relief. I feel that now I can fully concentrate on the 111 students for whom I will my heart on my sleeve this semester. Praise Be.

Alas, these response papers are raising their eyebrows at me, wondering just how many avoidance maneuvers I have up my sleeve. I should probably water the plants, make the bed, watch another episode of Mad Men, check Facebook, take the recycling out, back up my hard drive, rearrange the fridge magnets, and read Entertainment Weekly before I even open up my grade book.

Yes, I think so.

Happy Sunday to you all.

Whoa.

Whoa.

It's been awhile, eh?

I spent a remarkably pleasant afternoon cleaning. Put the iPod on my Country Hits playlist and sang along to Randy Travis, Loretta Lynn, and Dwight Yoakum while Windexing, Pledging, and vacuuming. Got the bathroom done, too, and I tell you what, we have a gorgeous bathroom. It's the bathroom I never knew I always wanted.

Guitars, Cadillacs, hillbilly music ...

I am headed to NoDak this weekend (surprise, surprise), but for good reason. I get to see my brother for the first time since September. My brother is home. For good. He is probably the most loyal person I will ever know, and I am so gladrelievedhappygrateful he is home. I texted him the other day: "Look, I am really into Lady Gaga, and you are just going to have to deal with it."

Oh boy, those poor people of Haiti. We should be so thankful we happened to be born here. Every time we see a tragedy like this, or see a homeless person, or turn on our taps for clean, running water, we should drop to our knees and throw up a prayer of thanks. Please do what you can through The Red Cross, Catholic Relief Services, or wherever else. It's time to be mindful of our days. It's time to be more conscious.

Spring 2010 is shaping up to be pretty good. I've met, so far, 92 of my 115 students. First day classes went well and went quickly. We jumped right into drama and Jon Stewart. I pulled a little rank with a kid who proudly and smugly announced to the class he hasn't read a book in 10 years. And when I got to the student who proudly and smugly announced she loves to read, she loves to write, and she loves to be in school, I beamed. It sure don't take much to make me happy.

Speaking of happy, B. and I celebrated 5 years over the weekend. Happyhappyhappy.

We are also almost through season 1 of Mad Men. Whoa! the smoking! Whoa! the scotch! Whoa! Joan! Hello, Joan ...

I have so much to be thankful for. So, so much.

I've neglected this space far too long. Game on.

the branch will not break,

the branch will not break, the branch will not break.

Tap, Tap

The semester started out pretty well, I thought.

I felt my class homework schedules were tight and challenging and interesting. I liked my batch of students, for the most part. My own creative writing was going to be showcased at different conferences, camps, and collaborations.

Now, I feel like everything is called into question.

My lit class needs a bit of work, and I've already made the changes to my syllabus and homework schedule to reflect more formal writing for my future classes. But, that doesn't really help me now. This is the second time I've gotten to teach lit, and I absolutely love it. I suppose I am still learning, but I've been teaching for 3 years.

I want everything to be perfect.

Always.

I want my classes to run perfectly and my teaching evals to be perfect and my students' work to be perfect. Yet, with some things this semester, I am not feeling so perfect. In fact, I am feeling like a fraud. Like any second now, I am gonna get a tap on the shoulder and someone is gonna say, "we realize you aren't doing your job and you aren't pushing your students hard enough and you aren't pushing yourself hard enough and you are a big, old, fake. So, hand in your keys, lady. You are finished."

Do all teachers feel like this? Like they are gonna get found out any second? I'm always grading and/or lesson planning and/or thinking about ways to make each class more engaging and relevant. But, am I doing that enough?

I should do more.

I want a new semester and a new start and a new committment to my classes.

I feel like things are seconds away from toppling.

The Perennials are Coming Back

So, it turned out I did have "the chiggers."

I think.

I thought only hillbillies got chiggers; I think this because my Okie cousins talked about chiggers all the time when we were little. Anywho, B and I were raking a while ago, and I was itchy for awhile, and then I painted my stomach with clear nail polish, and now I am all better.

This makes sense, right?

I am taking steps to live a more peaceful, stress-free life. I feel good about this. I have things to look forward to: snow, two more weeks in the classroom, my brother's return in January, my nephew's 2nd birthday, the P3 opening, celebrating 5 years with B. I feel better and stronger.

The Flu is for The Weak

All of a sudden, I got the chills. I like when people put "the" in front of medical conditions:

I got the diabetes!
I got the chiggers!

Back to the chills. I cannot get sick. Just can't do it. We've only 4 weeks left in the semester and I need every one of those weeks. So, I will just continue on like I am not getting sick. I will pretend my office is cold and I simply need my grandma sweater. I will soldier on. Onward Christian Soldiers! This reads like I am hallucinating, I realize, but trust me, Dear Hearts, I am not.

My sleep has been disrupted by work and social life things, and I am stressed out about nearly everything in my life, but here are some bonuses:

!BONUSES!

1. I got to snuggle that Wagner baby.

2. I am rediscovering Roxette and man oh man, do I love them, and my love for them is more easily tapped into because

3. I opened my e-mail and saw 20 bucks in iTunes love from my darling Bridge. What a lovely, lovely woman.

4. My yard is completely winterized, thanks to 4 Caliber-loads of yardstuffs taken to the recycling center.

5. Thanksgiving is next week. I will have 5 days away from the classroom and not too much grading.

6. I am very very thankful for that.

7. My wisdom teeth are no longer an issue, physically or financially.

8. Individually-wrapped prunes are on sale.

9. My car is, once again, insured for the next 6 months.

After class tonight, I am going home to a hot meal and a clean house and a pretty girl. We'll do our usual of stretching out on the couch and watching CSI: Miami.

Life is good today. Oh, life is good today.

I Believe in Miracles

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

-ee cummings

Two friends I met down here in grad school a bajillion years ago (ok, like 6 years ago), just brought home the newest member of their family. After years of wanting to expand their family, they have. Adoption. What a beautiful, beautiful gift. The kid better get used to Auntie Lu.

Oh, November, why do you make us all cranky? It's been a gorgeous month so far: the temps, the sun (!), the leaves. You are not so kind in the classroom, though. You are not close enough to the adrenaline the end of the semester brings, and you are way too far away from the excitement the start of the semester has. You put me and my 78,000 students in a slump. And I like nice posture. I like to sit up straight. (I can't even see straight. Hardee har har ...)

My office is totally Deadwood'ed out. It's pretty sweet.

This weekend? No essays to grade, exams are all handed back, lesson plans are readied. Hallelujah. I'm making a trip to Wagner tomorrow, then a ladies' day down to Sioux City (the ladies being me, B, J to the C, and the Weez). And Sunday. Thank God for Sundays. Literally.

I feel like being super reckless with my credit card and the internet today ...

Lord, give me strength ...