a lot this morning, and I was on my bike, pretty much soaked through to the skin, which was totally awesome. Not.
(Hell yes I am bringing back the "not.")
And I came to a stop sign, so I slowed and this kindly elderly man driving a red SUV down the slick street stopped in the middle of the road and yelled, "Stop sign! You have a stop sign! That means stop!" He also gestured wildly at the stop sign in case I was:
a.) retarded.
b.) not of his English-speaking community.
c.) retarded.
Thank God for citizens like this guy. Yes, indeedy.
I stared at him. Then I had this awesome vision of me getting off my bike, pointing to his stupid, ridiculous car, yelling "SUV! You drive an SUV. Foreign dependence on oil!" Then I would point at his person and yell, "Old! You are an old man! That means you are using up all my social security!"
Instead I gave what is maybe the worst insult a Midwesterner could give to another Midwesterner.
I did the slow, guilt-inducing head shake and mouthed, "For shame."
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5 comments:
I'm so glad we're friends. Better than spitting for sure. ;)
Dude obviously used you for his old, useless misplaced anger.
Meanwhile.."daddy's pants." Oh so for funny. And I think it's cute that you think you USED to be a snotty 10 year-old.
How about Billy Ocean:
"There's beauty up the butt, and things we never take notice of...wake up...suddenly...you're in love...."
We're all retarded here...
I just spit rice all over my computer. thank you. i've never tried the slow head shake or the "for shame" but i believe it may have worked. you rule!
hey jc fry,
i miss you much.
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