"Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds."

So, this is the dress I am wearing for one of bestest friend's wedding this fall:



My goal now is to look Just Like this mocha-skinned beauty in about 9 months.
Step one: Send in application to random extreme body makeover tv show.

In other news, I am going North this weekend to see this 13 and a half lb. blond-haired, blue-eyed thing.

My god, I wish I had something to write about! I've discovered that I do not sleep on Tuesday nights. No matter how many Tylenol PMs I pop, no matter how ridiculously prepared I am for Wednesday, no matter how diligently I stay away from caffeine, no matter nothing.

I've been playing around with some new poems, and I am using the word "because" a lot. I like it. Like it's an answer for everything, asked and unasked.

Totally Awesome Songs I Downloaded Today, or, Why My Lesson Planning Did Not Get Done

The Theme from "The Jeffersons" (72 seconds of joy)

Down on the Corner, CCR (reminds me of Vermillion and Belfiend. Huh.)

Kiss Him Goodbye, Steam (my hs basketball glory days)

Down in the Boondocks, Billy Joe Royal (I hear ya, Billy)

All My Friends Say, Luke Bryan (hick, hick, hick)

Tall, Tall Trees, Alan Jackson (I can't help it)

Battleship Chains, The Georgia Satellites (my bartending days. There is nothing that drunk oil riggers love more than the Satellites)

You Don't Own Me, Lesley Gore (I have a little dance to this song)

Shuffle Your Feet and Feel It Now, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (thanks, P-Block!)

Spice Up Your Life, The Spice Girls (soundtrack to my freshmen year in college)

The Bad Touch, Bloodhound Gang (see above)

No Scrubs, TLC (love it, love it, love it)

Unpretty, TLC (just a good message)

Livin' la Vida Loca, Ricky Martin (again, I cannot help it)

Family Affair, Mary J Blige (ya gotz to dance for me!)

People I Always Mix Up:

Lewis Grizzard and Eddie Izzard.

Rupert Murdoch and then Murdock from the A-Team.

Cormac McCarthy annd Carson McCullers.

Anthony Quinn and any elderly, gentlemanly actor.


Question:

How much would I kill for some Chinese buffet right now?

I wish I had more to say.

I do.

I do, I do.

A walk home last night left me dizzy. The purpled sky, the falling snow, the restlessness. Everything was so sparkly. And quiet. Quiet's good. I passed a man skiing down the empty street and that was good, too.

I don't always do well in town, with neighbors, with having to lock my front door. Last night, I think I had the whole place to myself. All the streets, every sidewalk, each lamp. Like I could have walked into any house like it was mine and sat down and warmed up by the fireplace, or the tv, or the bookshelves, or the eat-in kitchen, next to the stove.

**************************

And here's this:

Can you people just tell me what songs to download on iTunes, because, Lord, you know I'll just spend all my money on Abba and Ronnie Milsap.

My girl likes to party all the time, party all the time ...

Hey, in case you missed it:

The 2nd Annual Do-Over New Year's Eve Party will be held:

Saturday, January 19th

8 pm

My house

BYOB

We'll provide the food and the champagne!

Hope to see you there!

My 164th Post In Which I Tell an Awesome Joke.

How many performance artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, I left at intermission.

(I'll have you know that I was a theater minor and had to take a performance art class. Me and these 2 other chicks put on a "happening" in which we painted each other with primary colors. We called it "skeme." Perhaps a more accurate title for our happening would have been "girl on girl on girl.")

Great in '08

Happy New Year from the farm!

I got a haircut yesterday and it may be a mullet. Or a shag.

Mullet.

Shag.

Mullet.

Shag.

mulletshagemulletshagmulletshagmulletshag.


What is it with hair stylists who love to "thin out" hair? Everytime I go in, it's, wow you have a lot of hair, let's thin that out for you. No, no thanks. Please don't.

As she was cutting, I stopped her mid-snip and asked, "It's not going to look like a shag, is it?"

And she said, "How do you even remember the shag? You're too young!"

Because I've played that game before, sweetheart.

********************

Today is my last day at the farm. We're all heading out to Fargo tomorrow for ol' Sam's baptism. I got new gray trouser pants for the occasion.

I've had a very nice time at home, but there is not one speck of snow. Not one. I brought home snowpants and snowboots and nothing.

There is, however, a rogue mountain lion who has not yet attacked me. Though, when me and m'dawg Rufus go for walks, I can feel the thing stalking us. I can just feel it.

I got to spend lots of time with my cousins, who you may recall as Poster Child for Birth Control #1 and #2. Yesterday, I hung out with them while their mom was at work, and they both had friends over, and I made them listen to Boston cranked up on the record player. I think they dug it.

Also, I handily smoked any 10 year old who walked up and asked to Wii box against me.

Suckas.

I pinky-promised my mother I'd clean the house, so I will go do that now.

Oh, one more thing:

This month's issue of National Geographic has this terribly sad and beautiful article about the emptied prairie of North Dakota. If you have the chance, please take a look at it. One of the photos in it is of this abandoned house near Belfield, my hometown. My dad looked at the photo and said, "I think I know where that's at." So, we found it. About 8 miles southwest of our farm. It's an old schoolhouse and me and my dad walked right into it.