Exclusive!

BrontoJem sat down with me the other evening to talk about her life, loves, and how that darn Hy-Vee has overcharged her cherries once again.

LO: Marcia, are you aware it's about a vermillion degrees in here right now?
MK: Why, yes. This sweat behind my knees and under my bracelets are letting me know I am melting.

LO: Interesting. Let's switch gears. Let's talk about your father issues.
MK: OK. What issues would those be? The abandonment? The fact that I can no longer drink alcohol but do anyways, because I have to deal with my father issues? Or the fact that I'm now a dyke because I didn't have a father?

LO: Yes, I, too, blame your father for your extreme homosexuality. Another important question. How do you that faux hawk thing with your hair?
MK: Well, as you may have noticed, I don't have bangs, but I have short front hair. I twist it, pin it back, and say a prayer. It's pretty good (laughing)! I learned this when I was in Ireland. Have I ever mentioned Ireland--

LO: Yes, yes. Moving on. Where would you like to eat tomorrow?
MK: Probably Cherry Street Grille. That's really the only place I eat. Ever. Wait. Do you mean for supper or lunch? Yeah, Cherry Street Grille. Wait. Are you asking me out?

LO: Maybe. And let's follow that up. What do you find most hot about me?
MK: I think it's how patriotic you are--
LO: These colors don't run.
MK: --and I always love how you sing Toby Keith at karaoke.

LO: You're a real charmer! How would you describe your relationship with BrontoRen?
MK: Greeks think before humans made the gods angry, we used to be connected in pairs (that's true, I read it in a book). They disconnected us to make us angry, walking around and searching for our soulmates. I found mine.

LO: You two really know how to make things romantic! One final question. Our readers want to know: is that a home perm?
MK: Just on my eyebrows.

MK's wardrobe by Gordman's. MK's hair by Suave.