My actual internal dialogue while sitting at the 2007 Spring English Department Banquet:
(taking it all in) ... omg, MRG's hair is sooo cute! i should get eileen to cut my hair. god, i love it. that little hottie ...who's that? ... look at all those smarmy grad students ... smarmy, smarmy, smarmy ... ok, i'm taking this table. hey, SW's all glammed up tonight ...
(looking over at Katy and Mike's table) ha! poor Katy. wait, poor Mike!
(turning over program emblazoned with rainbow on the front) who let SW design the cover this year? is this supposed to be some sort of commentary? i really like the term "hasbian" ... also, LUG, lesbian until graduation. i thought that was going to be me ... damn Bridget ... she looks pretty cute tonight ... god, can we eat yet? i'm starving!
(getting up to get in line for buffet) my control-top underwear is working tonight, ya'll! he-eyy ... ooh, here's the chocolate cake i've heard so much about ... banana cream pie/chocolate cake ... banana cream pie/chocolate cake ... i'll go with the chocolate cake ...
(immediately after taking last bite) i should just leave now. oh, wait. courtney's reading. and then phil. and then annie. looks like i'm here for the night ...
(as students are going up for their awards) god, what is her deal? is she having a seizure? ... oh. that's a big surprise ... whoa, he looks totally different with no beard--i think he should grow the beard back ... oh, good for him! seriously, what the hell is she staring at? ...
(bopping a little in my chair) she was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was the best damn woman that i ever seen ...
(eating chocolate cake crumbs) you know, this chocolate cake isn't as orgasmic as i was led to believe ...
(watching more people) ugh, i totally remember now why i hated my first year here ... i kinda want to go to Dairy Queen. no! bad! ... what is up with these chairs? ... don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact ... hee hee, BB's pants are always belted so low! ...
(clapping at the end) they probably could have said something about me ... i wanna go play wii at annie and marcia's ...
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5 comments:
Fabulous post, Lu. I wondered why you were smiling the whole time. : )
:(
why do i gotta be grouped in with the smarmies?
this post makes me insecure in so many ways.
courtney!
you are NOT grouped in with all the smarmies, but you have to admit that smarmy is a good word for some people in academics, perhaps some people in the english deparment. maybe next year, we can carpool and then sit together at the same table.
you know i LOVE your modeling poem.
do not be insecure. i know this post is a little mean--in all actuality, it's my immature jealousy surfacing--i just did not fit in here with you all when i was a student.
i have never been so intoxicated as the night following the end 'o the year english banquet at usd. it sucked. if you were able to do a running commentary for the entire event, people might enjoy themselves more.
Lord amighty -- this is so freaking funny.
GD your biotic poet's sense of accuracy in observation and interpretation.
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