Thoughts on Department Banquet

My actual internal dialogue while sitting at the 2007 Spring English Department Banquet:

(taking it all in) ... omg, MRG's hair is sooo cute! i should get eileen to cut my hair. god, i love it. that little hottie ...who's that? ... look at all those smarmy grad students ... smarmy, smarmy, smarmy ... ok, i'm taking this table. hey, SW's all glammed up tonight ...

(looking over at Katy and Mike's table) ha! poor Katy. wait, poor Mike!

(turning over program emblazoned with rainbow on the front) who let SW design the cover this year? is this supposed to be some sort of commentary? i really like the term "hasbian" ... also, LUG, lesbian until graduation. i thought that was going to be me ... damn Bridget ... she looks pretty cute tonight ... god, can we eat yet? i'm starving!

(getting up to get in line for buffet) my control-top underwear is working tonight, ya'll! he-eyy ... ooh, here's the chocolate cake i've heard so much about ... banana cream pie/chocolate cake ... banana cream pie/chocolate cake ... i'll go with the chocolate cake ...

(immediately after taking last bite) i should just leave now. oh, wait. courtney's reading. and then phil. and then annie. looks like i'm here for the night ...

(as students are going up for their awards) god, what is her deal? is she having a seizure? ... oh. that's a big surprise ... whoa, he looks totally different with no beard--i think he should grow the beard back ... oh, good for him! seriously, what the hell is she staring at? ...

(bopping a little in my chair) she was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was the best damn woman that i ever seen ...

(eating chocolate cake crumbs) you know, this chocolate cake isn't as orgasmic as i was led to believe ...

(watching more people) ugh, i totally remember now why i hated my first year here ... i kinda want to go to Dairy Queen. no! bad! ... what is up with these chairs? ... don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact ... hee hee, BB's pants are always belted so low! ...

(clapping at the end) they probably could have said something about me ... i wanna go play wii at annie and marcia's ...

Give Me Something To Believe In

If it were not for Poison, I am not sure how I would get through my days...

My Uncle Ben's teriyaki flavored Ready Rice is stiff as a concrete block. No amount of tender squeezing from these big hands will make my rice come undone.

I had an Uncle Ben once and he was a good, good man. He was my great uncle and we called him Bennie and when my mom met him when she was just a little girl, she thought he was a movie star. He was that handsome.

I would like to see the sun. Soon. I want browned skin and light hair and freckles and I need the sun to have all that. I love summer. If I were 15, I'd be out in the field, waiting for my dad to come around with the hopper full. Summers remind me of my little cousins. I want my aunt to send Trevor and Tucker my way for the summer and we'll do Little League and the pool and bike rides and Dairy Queen. God, that would just about be perfect.

Lately, I've been finding that I need people, that I need to be surrounded by music and friends and kids.

Right now, I would about do anything not to grade character sketches. I would straighten my desk, check my e-mail 56 more times, browse ebay, screw my office hours and run to Gordman's and Target and Zandbroz's, put lots of frivalous items, like lipstick and candles, on my credit card.

Thanks to Katy, Mama Cass is singing me a lullaby. This will not help me grade any faster, but it has put me in a sweeter mood.

And give me something to believe in,
if there's a Lord above.

Because Class Begins in 10 Minutes...

Humor me, people.

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak You're a famous beauty - with unique look And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

share the road

I like to go biking after dark. The roads are quiet, save for the jingle of dog tags every few blocks.

Tonight was still, and gorgeous. I ended up all over. Dirt paths, downtown, through parks, campus.

Did you see the moon?

It is just a sliver.

Go look at it.

Coupla Things

1. Them other boys don't know how to act.

2. A 40 ft. camper pulling an SUV? No wonder everyone hates us.

3. I work at 2205 Career Avenue. Yeah-uh.

4. Some hedonist brought in Girl Scout Cookies and left them in the little nook that is directly across from my office. I have a tummy ache. We'll leave it at that.

5. I blogged too soon. Here is the wackiest comment I wrote on an essay: "Your mother is not a scholarly source." Which is weird, because I usually like to tell people what their moms are/do/said.

For Those of You about to Rock, I Salute You

Best. Weekend. Ever.

Small, intimate get-togethers, walks to the river, bike rides, sun and sky, dancing all night, badminton in the backyard, yardwork.

Lots of fun this weekend.

I have been grading research portfolios all day:

Sundays at the Office are sooo hard.

Here are the comments I have been writing most often all over my student's essays. And, in italics, is what I would like to write:

"Awkward and confusing. What are you trying to say?
I know English is your first language. I am certain of it.

"OK, so what does the sexual maturation of girls in Puerto Rico have to do with your topic concerning the cattle industry in America?"
WTF??

"Proofread, please."
I think, perhaps, you are dyslexic.

"Covering JFK's childhood, political career, and the conspiracy theories surrounding his assassination is too much for a six page paper."
I think we should probably go to the CIA with your ground-breaking investigation here.

"Unpack this quotation. What are the implications of this?"
I would like to see your high school diploma. I need proof.

"Avoid "you." You should not still be making this mistake."
Why do you hate me? Do we not have fun in class?

"Please look at p. 234 in your Harbrace for more guidance on a works cited page. Also, we have built a works cited page numeous times in class and in your conference."
For the love of God, learn how to do a freakin' Works Cited page!

"Introduce this source. Remember that handout I passed out in class, put up on the overhead, read outloud, and we all talked about it for at least an hour? Look at that. It will help you."
I should have early alerted your ass.

Really, though, it's not so bad. True, I've been a little disappointed by the papers, but I get it. It's their first real crack at a research paper, and most of them have been out of school for awhile, so we'll keep hacking away at it.

Three. More. Weeks. I can see the light, Lord, I can see the light.

And finally, here is my latest, greatest purchase:

My new bike. Because I love my new bike so very much.

This is Home

Pictures from the farm.

It was 11 degrees and snowed all weekend.

I love this place.

The Road Home.

My House!

The view from the back deck.

The Bunkhouse. When I was in college & brought my friends home, I would pull up to the bunkhouse & say, "Well, this is it!"

My damn dog, Rufus, & my little cousin Tucker. A few days before we all got home, Rufus decided to play with some dead carp he found in the crick. Rufus did NOT smell good. We kept our distance and Rufus was so sad. But, as my mom said, "Rufus made his choices." "What are choices?" Rufus would probably ask. Still, Tuck & I took our chances.

Section Line.

Because my father likes these folksy accents.

My Grandpa Obach's old shop.

Farmer Casey.

The crick.

My God. Beautiful.

My favorite part.